reading

I remember being excited about the pending careers advice session at Hornchurch Grammar School. It was 1973 and I was 15. I sensed there must be a wonderful world of work opportunities and experiences available to me and my fellow students. I was looking forward to having a world of possibilities opened up to me.

I should have been suspicious. The session was going to be run by our physics teacher, Mr Jones. He seemed to be in his twenties, and had probably gone straight from studying to teaching. I had heard that he was newly married and needed to earn some more money by taking on the careers advice role too.

The session went something like this: ‘Any questions? There are brochures here on careers in teaching and accounting.’ That was it! I left feeling less inspired than before I went in, but anxious now too, because everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to do.

My parents weren’t much help either. They said I could do whatever I liked and whatever I wanted to. But that was the problem – I didn’t know what I wanted to do! I wanted someone to inspire me, and open up the world to me. To get me excited, to ask me questions like, ‘What do you feel you were born to do?’ ‘What would inspire you?’ ‘What would fulfil you?’ ‘What is in your heart that wants to be expressed?’ ‘What do you love deeply?’ ‘What can’t you stop doing?’

But no one ever did ask me those questions. Luckily, I did begin to ask myself those questions over a decade later and eventually found what I was born to do, what truly inspires me and fulfils me. I wish there had been a Dearbhla around in 1973 for me, my parents and at my school, and I would have got there much quicker.

I first met Dearbhla in a conference room in Croke Park in Dublin in 2008, and we have been in touch ever since. I was immediately struck by two things: the twinkle in her eye and how much she cared about young people and helping them make inspired and empowered career choices.

I sensed an ambition born of inspiration and of a deep desire to contribute rather than a need for self-aggrandisement. She was a woman on a mission. I have seen Dearbhla stay committed in the long run, build and nurture relationships, seize opportunities when they arose and create opportunities when they didn’t exist before.

This book is one of the many fruits of that perseverance and long-term commitment. She cares deeply about us being happy in our work and that we get to express the best of ourselves in what we do for a living.

Dearbhla understands the power and influence that family and friends have on teenagers’ career choices and decisions, even when those people don’t realise the power they have. Dearbhla helps you realise that you do have a positive impact and shows how to use your influence to open hearts and minds, to open up possibilities to discover, and to nurture dreams. She knows that opportunity is an inside job, and whatever is going on in the economy, there are always tremendous possibilities and great hope. She makes the whole process of becoming a coach to teenagers understandable and doable. She believes in the resourcefulness of everyone. She knows that the desire to support and help needs to be matched with the skills of coaching, listening and validation in order to be effective. This book delivers those skills richly and abundantly.

Thank you, Dearbhla, for writing this book. So many lives are already richer because of you and your work and the gift of this book means that so many more lives will be enhanced too.

Nick Williams, London, March 2015 Author of nine books, including The Work We Were Born To Do, and founder of the Spiritual Pro Global Community www.iamnickwilliams.com

Nowadays, due to the change in the economic climate, we are looking at a complete shift in the world of work. When people of my generation were growing up, lifetime employment and permanent pensionable posts were plentiful and offered guarantees. Today our young people are moving into a period of contractual work, less certainty, and a need for self-promotion and expertise. In short, they need to be their own leaders and manage their own careers.

Because you have such a significant role to play in your teenager fulfilling their potential, it makes sense to be informed of practical ways to help your child take steps now towards a successful future. There are no shortcuts to discovering ‘the work you were born to do’. Helping your teen discover their calling or vocation in life requires many conversations and these conversations aren’t always straightforward. One day your teen wants to study medicine and the next she wants to be a deep sea diver! Teenagers’ career preferences can change according to what their friends are talking about doing, what colleges their friends are choosing, etc. This toing and froing can be a huge worry for parents and the process can last several years. This book will help you as a parent to engage fully with your teen in the present and show you ways to prepare together for whatever the future holds. Please keep in mind throughout this book that there are in schools professional guidance counsellors who are qualified sources of information on career choices. They are available to help your teen and may provide information evenings for parents on matters such as subject choice and the CAO. Encourage your teen to make an appointment and make use of this vital professional service. Guidance counsellors can also support students who have issues or concerns that are affecting their participation in school. If guidance is not available in your teen’s school, you might find it useful to consult a private practitioner; a list is supplied on the Institute of Guidance Counsellors’ (IGC) website, www.igc.ie.

This book will give you tools to guide your teen and help them voice their thoughts, opinions, concerns, dreams and excitement about their future. It will be a reference point over three to five years that will help you support and direct your teen in choosing a satisfying career. It will teach you practical ways to guide and motivate your teenager and it provides tasks and activities which you can do together. By working together, you can both develop the skills needed to help your child build a joyful career. My wish is that you will encourage your teen to stay true to their talents and to concentrate on the activities that bring them joy and energy – even if it takes them along unconventional routes. Sometimes, your teen may have to take the scenic route to their career and to a ‘slow-cooked’ success.

Between each of these steps, thirteen successful people will share their career insights and wisdom in an interview-style format. These are featured as ‘My Career’ at the end of each step. Some of these interviewees followed traditional academic paths; others took vocational or apprenticeship routes – academia is not for everyone. What shines out from the interviews is that these people stayed true to their interests and they still love what they do. They are committed to their craft or field; they value excellence and display a solid work ethic; they believe in going the extra mile and are good decision-makers; they learn from and model others; and they believe in continuous improvement. It is worth noting that when some of the interviewees were teenagers, they had no clear vision of what they wanted to do, but their careers unfolded as they matured. In addition, it seems that they all attracted success by cultivating the right attitude. As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar said, ‘it is your attitude, not your aptitude, that determines your altitude’.

The appendices at the end of the book will provide you with information and websites covering topics such as the Central Applications Office (CAO), points, apprenticeships, year out, PLCs, mature students, access and disability supports. It is hoped that this section will signpost you in the direction of useful information that will help you and your teen.

I will make suggestions throughout the book about ways in which you can increase your teenager’s self-esteem by focusing on strengths, developing self-knowledge and creating clear goals and life dreams. If you put some of these suggestions into practice, your teenager will develop positive thinking, assertiveness and communication skills, and they will also start thinking about self-presentation. The aim is to help your teenager become more self-confident in their choices.

By using this book you can help your teen fly high and increase their own range of possibilities.

Whether you are a parent of teenagers starting the secondary school process or preparing to leave it, or you are reading this book out of curiosity and a belief in young people, it will provide you with tools that will inform and excite you about the range of opportunities available to teenagers in opening the door to their future. It is my hope that by engaging in this process in an open way with your child, they will discover ‘the work they were born to do’ and that work will give them meaning and satisfaction in a way that serves others and makes a difference.

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MY CAREER

Robert Chambers

Hairdresser and Business Owner

www.robertchambers.ie

Robert opened the first hairdressing school in Ireland and was the first hairdresser in Ireland to be inaugurated into the Irish Hairdressing Hall of Fame. He has been in operation for forty years and has three salons in Dublin and two hairdressing academies.

‘Health and happiness before business … and then business.’

How did your career in hairdressing begin?

At 16, I went to work as an apprentice fitter/turner with Roadstone. I had come first in Ireland in the equivalent of today’s Junior Cert in mechanical drawing and metalwork. In the meantime, my older brother had become a hairdresser and he always seemed happy, he had nice clothes and his own money. I decided that I wanted some of what he had. I asked my Dad to take me to a well-known Dublin salon called Jules to see if they would give me some experience. I stayed there for ten months, but got no practical training until eventually the guy in the perfumery taught me how to use a scissors and I began cutting children’s hair. When I was more confident, I asked one of the stylists what was the best salon in Dublin. He said ‘the Witches Hut’, so I went there, took a look in the window, and what I saw was incredible! I went back the next week and asked for a job, and they gave me one! It continued from there and in the summers I would go to London to train at Vidal Sassoon, watching the stylists working during the days and styling hair models myself in the evenings.

Did you always want to do what you do now?

It never came into my mind. I thought I would end up doing something related to engineering or architecture. I grew up on a farm, so I was used to using my hands; we always had to improvise and come up with solutions and make things. I loved making things. That was an indicator that I was good with technical detail, which is a requirement for precision hairdressing.

What do you enjoy most about what you do now?

The easiest part of my week is cutting hair, which I do two days a week. It comes naturally to me; it doesn’t involve making business and financial decisions. I enjoy meeting a new client every hour, mixing with the staff, etc. I think that there is something special about the atmosphere in a hairdressing salon; it’s creative, fun, warm and full of interesting and sometimes unusual people.

What is the toughest thing about your job?

The disappointment and frustration when staff let you down and dealing with the financial side of a business. Like all businesses, hairdressing is competitive and you have to constantly re-invest money back into it, especially if you are at the top end. Interior design constantly needs to be updated and money is needed to do that, even in tough economic times.

What motivates you?

I think that I’m just a positive person in general. As soon as a problem arises, I don’t dwell on the problem, I come up with possible solutions. Being positive is also more enjoyable than being negative. I look at the good points: I’m not hungry or cold and I’ve a great wife and children.

Who or what inspired you along the way?

Tony Rogers (my boss in the Witches Hut); Vidal Sassoon; fashion and the visual side of hairdressing. It was an electrifying time when I started out in the 1960s. It was exploding with excitement, fashion, music and freedom.

What advice on getting started would you give young people who want a career in the same field?

You can go the apprentice route or train in a private academy, where you will have the chance to make money sooner. You get what you put into it; you can come out as a good hairdresser or an amazing hairdresser. It depends on your determination. Prepare a very good CV, make a list of select salons, visit those salons, and ask for a thirty-second meeting with the owner/manager. I’m a great believer in making a visual impression. Always keep in mind that you continually need to work with people better than you to grow your skills and maintain your standards.

What has been the biggest lesson in your career to date?

Professionals can give you advice, but it is not written in stone and you still have to work through things yourself and apply your intelligence. You are walking the plank alone when you run your own business. Try to keep your ego in check and keep a level head.

If you had a motto what would it be?

Health and happiness before business … and then business. Without health you have nothing. Business is not the beginning or the end of everything.

What advice would you give your 16-year-old self?

I’ve no regrets, I’ve had an interesting, exciting time so far – the people, the travel, the work. I’d do the same again. Two of my children are in the industry, so I see that as a stamp of approval that I did the right thing.

Maybe I’d say ‘read more’. But don’t believe everything you read: take it on board, but make your own decisions, develop the capacity to think independently, read for the benefit of what others say, but reach your own conclusions.

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What is Coaching?

The premise of this book is that you as a parent can act as a coach to your child. First, however, what exactly is ‘coaching’? Here’s an explanation from parent coach and mother of three teenagers, Marian Byrne:

Coaching is a collaborative relationship and process which helps the client (in this case your teenager) to set and work towards their goals and aspirations. It works on the basis that they are the experts on themselves. At this point, I know that your parental instincts are screaming, ‘My teenager is not a life expert!’ Bear with me, though.

According to Marian, ‘At a very basic level, coaching is listening and asking questions.’ Coaching aims to help the person to reach their potential by:

Helping them identify and develop positive ways of thinking and acting rather than imposing a set way of being or doing on them
Reflecting what the person says back to them rather than directing them
Helping them identify their strengths
Highlighting what areas may need extra focus and attention so that the person can achieve their goals
Encouraging, supporting and challenging as appropriate, while always remaining non-judgemental.

Marian says:

As parents, we will naturally be able to do some (and well done if you can do all) of the above. We may find it easy to challenge them and help them push the boundaries of their comfort zones to achieve; yet, we may be less comfortable championing them when they have fallen short in some way. We may be able to see what they can do better, yet forget to give them detailed praise and feedback in relation to their strengths.

You will find tried and tested tips and techniques on communicating with your teen throughout this book. So, before you begin career coaching your teen, Step 1 will look at some ways in which you as a parent can improve communication with your teenager.

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MY CAREER

Diarmuid Gavin

Garden Designer

Ireland’s acclaimed garden designer has brought garden designs to new, distinct levels. Winner of the RDS Gold Award in 1991 and 1993, Diarmuid also won gold at Chelsea for ‘The Irish Sky Garden’ in 2011. He is a well-known presenter of gardening programmes on BBC and RTÉ.

‘My biggest lesson has been not to give up, to follow a dream.’

How did your career in gardening/horticulture begin?

When I left school I felt that I’d love to be a gardener or a chef. My first job application that was accepted was for a commis chef in a restaurant. I loved that and stayed for four months. I had applied for another position at the same time – in a plant shop in Dublin city centre – and it was subsequently offered to me. I changed without hesitation as I had realised that I definitely wanted to create gardens. After three years there in Mackeys of Mary Street, I left to study in the Botanic Gardens in Glasnevin. Immediately after graduation, I set up my own business, designing and building gardens for clients.

Did you always want to do what you do now?

I think the teenage years can be very confusing. When considering career choices, there’s an inordinate amount of pressure from schools and families to make decisions that could determine and shape a life. I knew I wanted to do something creative. When I was young, I wanted to make stuff. This could have meant anything from being an artist, a potter or a chef. I felt that there was opportunity in gardening, not because I loved the gardens I saw, but because I didn’t and I felt I could change them.

What do you enjoy most about what you do now?

I’ve an extremely varied working life, one that is never constant and often packed with surprises. I most love working with a team to create gardens. The design process is a fairly solitary one, but when it comes to implementation you are surrounded by people and you work with them to achieve a common goal. I love to work with soil and plants and in different places. It’s extraordinarily fulfilling to completely change a piece of land, to give it a new identity, to add some interest, mystery, colour and fun. But I also love communicating about gardens, writing, making television programmes and lecturing. The best thing about these is the preparation: pushing yourself to explore other people’s ideas, gain an understanding of them and relaying those lessons to an audience.

What’s the toughest thing about your job?

There aren’t too many tough aspects to my job as I am in a position where I get lots of opportunities and I get to work with fantastic people. However, if I were a ‘jobbing’ garden designer, it could be tough. Clients sometimes don’t value the skills associated with planning a garden and often, garden designers and landscape architects can find it difficult to get paid properly for their work. The hours can be very long and sometimes it’s not so much fun to be outdoors in the long, cold, often wet winter months.

What motivates you?

I’m motivated first by what always motivated me, the excitement of creating gardens. I can’t imagine feeling the same sense of satisfaction in any other role. Making the most of the opportunities that I have been given also motivates me. I never expected to have a voice, to get the opportunity to be listened to and to get involved in situations outside of my skill set (e.g. reality shows in the North Pole, learning to dance, etc.). So living up to the possibilities that life presents is a great motivator.

Who or what inspired you along the way?

I’ve been inspired by things that people have said to me and the achievements of others … garden designers such as Roberto Burle Marx, Percy Thrower, the architecture of Le Corbusier and Frank Lloyd Wright, and movies such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

What advice on getting started would you give to young people who want a career in the same field?

Nothing comes easily. The gardening industry is a tough one but it’s a passionate one. There’s a danger that people see gardeners on television achieving a degree of fame or fortune and believe those results are something to aspire to. If you love gardening and are imagining a career in it, show what you can do. Demonstrate your abilities either at home, in friends’ gardens, through gardening clubs in school or by seeking work in garden centres or with landscape contractors during the holiday periods. If nobody will give you a paid role, offer to work for free. Put everything into it, make yourself indispensible. Understand what it is you love about the subject and identify a role that is suitable to that. Then be the best at what you can be.

What has been the biggest lesson in your career to date?

My biggest lesson has been not to give up, to follow a dream and to remain true to my ideals. Many people told me that things weren’t possible along the way. I was encouraged to get ‘proper jobs’ which would have stifled my ambition and imagination. However, I seemed to understand that unless I got to create the type of gardens that I wanted to and unless I explored the reasons for wanting to do things that were different within my own head, I would be left deeply unsatisfied. So following a single vision was important for me.

If you had a motto, what would it be?

My motto would be ‘Believe in yourself.’

What advice would you give your 16-year-old self?

I would tell my younger self that I would have to go through all types of turbulence to create a foundation for what would happen next. There’s no point being offered everything on a plate. It’s important to get out and dig and understand soil while hanging on to dreams. It’s important to learn a little a bit of how business works. It’s important to understand that good manners are essential. It’s important – even at the age of 16 – to turn up on time, to be accommodating, to be pleasant in any situation and, most important, it’s important not to waver in your dreams.

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STEP 1

Communicating with Your Teen

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

EPICTETUS

As a parent of a teenager, one of the biggest challenges can be communication. Teenagers are in a process of self-discovery, testing boundaries and finding their way in the world. Your natural desire as a parent is to see your children survive and thrive in the years ahead. The focus on the importance of education and choices made at this stage can lead to a confused, concerned and sometimes controlling parent. Ultimately, it is your teenager who has to make the decisions about their future; therefore, it is important that the lines of communication between you are open. Your teen needs to be able to listen to and trust their own inner voice with regard to choices that suit who they really are as an individual.

Engaging Co-operation

At times engaging co-operation from your teen can be a challenge. There are ways to communicate in a way that draws the best out of your teen and reduces conflict. The list below of ‘what not to do’, which is adapted from the book How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, may help you in your everyday interactions. It highlights what does not work and why. With the help of parent coach Marian Byrne, I have added positive and constructive examples of ‘what to do’ instead. This may help you in your many conversations with your teen about study, attitude and choices.

DOS AND DON’TS